Reading Sutapa Chaudhuri’s “Me”

Farah Imam

'If any female feels she needs anything beyond herself to legitimate and validate her existence, she is already giving away her power to be self-defining, her agency' Bell Hooks. 

Dr Sutapa Chaudhuri in her provocative poem titled 'Me' carves out an identity of herself. The title calls attention to the poet for her self-definition and agency. Here the woman speaks. 
The refrain 'I'm the same..' reinforce the collective identity of all 'women' in the first stanza and all 'mothers' in the second stanza. The voice of the poet has a collective identity of belonging to those that are socially subordinated as a categorical statement irrespective of discursive differences in women belonging to different cultures and classes. Here the poet, as suggested by the title 'Me' is not alone, but shares the oppression and grievances of all those who are systematically oppressed. 
 The poem can be read as an intense moment of honest scathing criticism of those whose voices have drowned the voice of the poet who struggles through her poetic medium; the poem is a means of political protest, to assert her identity. She not only expresses solidarity with other women but also voices the differences with the normative. Perhaps, it is a critique of patriarchy, which is perpetuated not only by males, but the normative structure itself is patriarchal of which all are a victim. Bell Hook writes " I love it because it so clearly states that the movement is not about being anti-male. It makes it clear that the problem is sexism (....) As a consequence, females can be just as sexist as men. And while that does not excuse or justify male domination, it does mean that it would be naive and wrongminded for feminist thinkers to see the movement as simplistically being for women against men" Therefore, the poet's criticism of other women can be read as a contention for her voice as well as the rebellion against the normative patriarchal structure. 
The marked delineation between an identity that is 'forced' and 'imposed', and the 'self' is stressed here. The ideal social and sexual roles imposed based on genders and sexuality are questioned here which the poet describes as 'parasitical', which makes the self lose its way in the mazes of life. This can be explained with the reference to Richard Dawkins's coined word 'meme' which is ascribed to an idea, behaviour or style that spreads from person to person within a culture and it works by altering or hijacking the original idea or the Baudrillard concept of simulacrum, which he defines as something which replaces reality with its representations. The rituals and customs that are markers of social identity often prove to be meaningless and constrain freedom and expression. The poet dissents the normative parasitical order, where embodied experiences of women fail to express themselves and which the poet struggles to voice out. 
  In the second stanza, the poet establishes her identity as a conscientious mother. Dr Sutapa Chaudhuri's argumentative style often establishes affirmation with negation. In the poem 'Lyric', she writes about her daughter 'Born of me yet apart(...)Mine own yet separate'. Similarly in the poem 'Me', she writes, 'I bequeath her roots/I gift her wings too' Unlike the other women, the poet refuses to project her fears and dreams onto her child. "Projection refers to a type of defence mechanism in psychoanalytic theory, whereby unacceptable feelings and self-attributes within an individual are disavowed and attributed to someone else". The devaluation of women perpetuated by patriarchy places women in the intermediate position between men and children. To defend themselves, women often project their hostility towards their children. As Bell Hook writes in Feminism is for Everybody ''Children suffer from domination by their mothers who is where children are seen as the property of parents". Thus the poet affirms that as a conscientious mother, she would be agential in her relationship with her daughter. She would recognize the independence of her daughter as much as she affirms her own. 
 The poem begins with the contestation of voices which turns into a personal affirmation of values towards the relationship between the daughter and the mother. This poem can be read as a prayer for her daughter for rootedness, freedom and agency reminding us of the lines by Coleridge from the poem, "Frost at midnight" - But thou, my babe! shalt wander like a breeze/ By lakes and sandy shores, beneath the crags/Of ancient mountains, and beneath the clouds,/Which image in their bulk both lakes and shores/And mountain crags: so shalt thou see and hear/The lovely shapes and sounds intelligible/ Of that eternal language, which thy God/Utters, who from eternity doth teach/Himself in all, and all things in himself./Great universal Teacher! he shall mould/Thy spirit, and by giving make it ask". The child amidst the putrid shadow of fears and anger often disavows its voice and gets caught up in the constrictors of society that fail to harness its potential and growth. Mother often is the first acquaintance of child, whose presence should rather be embalming rather than stultifying. The poet aspires to be the mother whose independence is not caught up by her identity as a mother but breathes an open space so that her daughter could feel the wings that have been bequeathed to her for rootedness. The poet says, " I want her to grow/let me grow alongside, too/let us grow together but not in each other's shadow"
 The poet through their poem breathes thought and language for its reader. Attuned to the passivity and complacency of those that may lose their way and fade away, the rigour of the language bespeak here and proves to be an inspiration to those whose voices have been choked. The universal subjects of motherhood, womanhood and childhood have been calling attention to themselves through time immemorial and remain the subject to be investigated and made aware of. The poet's voice, empowered and provoking, has indeed stirred those that are benumbed and comforted those that are wearied of shadows. 

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